


Monodrama

by Sammyjjong



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Implied Insomnia, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Missed Chance, Not Actually Unrequited Love, a good song to listen to while reading: monodrama by jonghyun, mentioned jongtae, more or less actually happened, my jongkey stories are always angst and sad what, not to them obviously, slight ontae, this was also a vent fic lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:27:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23766115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammyjjong/pseuds/Sammyjjong
Summary: Jonghyun has waited five years to tell Kibum this.
Relationships: Choi Minho/Kim Kibum | Key, Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key
Kudos: 15





	1. Monodrama

Sometimes, Jonghyun felt the fans knew them better than they did. It was thanks to the fans that he realized his true feelings towards Kibum. He thought of the younger as just a brother, but he soon realized the way he looked at his fellow member was more than just brotherly love. It’s been years since that realization, and Jonghyun decided it was about time he told the younger how he felt.

He didn’t buy him anything, he had been doing that for years, his gifts always beating out the other member’s on Kibum’s birthday. He just brought himself and a quick little confession stored in his mind.

Jonghyun knocked on Kibum’s door then walked in after the younger told him he could. It was normal for Jonghyun to hang out in Kibum’s room, there had been times he had fallen asleep on the floor because he didn’t want to wake Taemin. So it was no surprise when Kibum knew who it was without looking up from his book.

“Can’t sleep?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun just nodded.

“How’s your book?” Jonghyun asked and Kibum slipped a bookmark in.

“They just got together, after 25 chapters” Kibum answered and set the book on his nightstand, putting his glasses on top of it.

Jonghyun sat down on the bed across from Kibum and the younger stretched his arms out.

“If you don’t have anything to talk about I’ll start” Kibum said, continuing their tradition of talking about one topic until they could sleep.

“What’s the topic?” Jonghyun asked and Kibum smiled.

“Love” Kibum answered and Jonghyun’s mind was all over the place.

_ Does he like me too? Is he going to confess first? _

Jonghyun nodded, ignoring his thoughts, “You start”

“Have you ever found someone so amazing, and you just want to hug them and hold onto them forever?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun nodded.

“Someone perfect in every way and you just want them all for yourself” Jonghyun added and Kibum smiled.

“Have you ever experienced what it’s like to finally have that?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun shook his head.

“I’ve come close, but then I don’t ask” Jonghyun answered.

“It’s one of the most wonderful feelings in the world” Kibum told him and Jonghyun had to hide his face.

“Do you have something to tell me?” Jonghyun asked, pain in his eyes but voice happy.

“Minho and I started dating today” Kibum answered with a huge smile across his face.

Jonghyun smiled with him, although it wasn’t genuine, “Congratulations!”

“We would’ve started dating sooner, but I was hesitant in answering” Kibum admitted and Jonghyun met his gaze.

“How come?” Jonghyun asked.

“I still had feelings for you” Kibum said it like it was no big deal, but it hurt Jonghyun’s heart to know he just missed his chance.

Jonghyun just nodded and it was quiet for a short while before Kibum spoke again.

“Minho said he waited _ three years  _ before asking me” Kibum said.

_ I’ve been waiting for five. _

“Why would he wait so long?” Jonghyun asked, even if he didn’t care that much.

“He thought you were in love with me” Kibum answered.

_ I am. _

“If I were him I still would’ve asked” Jonghyun replied.

“He didn’t want to hurt you” Kibum told him and Jonghyun nodded.

_ But he did. _

“He better treat you well” Jonghyun warned, “I may be his friend, but I’m your friend first”

Kibum smiled, “I’m sure he will, he insisted we sleep together tonight even though both of our beds are twin sizes” 

“I should probably leave then, I’m sure he wants some alone time with you” Jonghyun said and Kibum looked a little sad.

“Yeah, but don’t think just because we’re dating me and you can’t keep doing this. If it helps you sleep we’re both okay with it” Kibum told him and Jonghyun nodded and got up.

They said their goodnights and Jonghyun left the room, making a beeline for him and Taemin’s room. He didn’t care if Taemin heard him come in, the younger was probably still in the shower anyway, but Jonghyun didn’t check. At first, he laid there, thinking about it all and taking it in again that he had just lost Kibum without ever having him. Some tears escaped from these thoughts, and then his mind fell on the alone time the two would have. As if his mind was torturing him, the thought of the two making love filled his mind and he cried harder. He tried to stay as quiet as possible as he cried, but a hand running through his hair told him he wasn’t quiet enough.

This wasn’t the first time he had cried in front of the maknae, and this was Taemin’s way of calming him down. Taemin’s hands played with Jonghyun’s hair as the younger hushed him to sleep.


	2. I'm Sorry

Although the two were dating, Jonghyun tried not to let his emotions show. So when he couldn’t sleep, he continued to go to Kibum’s room and talk his way to sleep. Jonghyun never slept in Kibum’s room anymore, just because he felt like he was intruding now. Taemin would text him every night so that Jonghyun would leave the room. Everything seemed to stay the same between them, except sometimes Minho was there.

This was one of those nights. Minho had Kibum in his lap at one end of the bed and Jonghyun sat on the other. No one had spoken yet, except for the short greetings as Jonghyun walked in, and Jonghyun was debating whether he should leave or not as the couple studied him.

“Jonghyun” Kibum’s voice broke through Jonghyun’s contemplations, “Are you okay?”

Jonghyun nodded in response, “Why do you ask?”

“You haven’t picked a topic lately” Minho answered.

“And you talk a lot less” Kibum added.

“Sorry, I’ve just had a lot on my mind, I don’t mean to be so quiet” Jonghyun told them, although it wasn’t the complete truth.

Just watching the two interact with each other had Jonghyun speechless with either jealousy or regret, he couldn’t tell which.

“Why don’t you pick the topic tonight then? Get some of that stuff off your mind” Kibum suggested and Minho nodded while Jonghyun sighed.

“Okay” Jonghyun paused, deciding if it was the best idea to choose such a topic, “Heartbreak” When he said it he regretted it, but there was no going back.

“Did something happen?” Minho asked, concerned, and Jonghyun shook his head.

“Nothing happened to me, I just made a mistake” Jonghyun explained, not wanting to give too many details.

“Is this about your first love?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun smiled at him somewhat sadly.

“Something like that, but that was in high school” Jonghyun answered.

“First loves are always heartbreaking” Minho said, and Jonghyun was thankful the topic had moved away from him.

“You never forget them” Kibum added, “And they either rip your heart out or leave you with a stronger one”

“Almost all love could do that to you though” Jonghyun said, feeling the need to pour his feelings out even if it wasn’t the best idea, “They can also make you regret your choices”

“Alright Jjong, spill, what happened?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun took a deep breath.

“I never told them how I felt, even when I felt it was the right time. I just stayed quiet, and now it’s too late” Jonghyun sounded angry with himself, but he felt his eyes start to tear up.

It was quiet as Kibum handed Jonghyun his tissue box, the couple watching him sadly.

“It just hurts, and I don’t know how to explain this type of pain” Jonghyun told them as he wiped his eyes.

“You have to have hope, hope that maybe one day they’ll be yours” Minho replied, “Just because you think it’s too late doesn’t mean it is”

“You should also tell them how you feel, keeping it in you for so long can hurt you” Kibum suggested and Jonghyun nodded.

“I know I should tell them, but now I can’t” Jonghyun said simply, then his phone vibrated and he knew it was Taemin.

“Cheer up hyung, at least you have Taemin” Minho said, gesturing to the older’s phone that lit up.

“Yeah, you two are practically a couple with him asking you to come back every night” Kibum smiled, genuinely happy for his friend.

Jonghyun forced a smile as he texted Taemin back, not having the heart to explain the younger’s relationship with the leader.

“He’s just looking out for you guys, wouldn’t want me getting in the way” Jonghyun explained, putting his phone in his pocket as he got up, “Goodnight”

“Goodnight” The couple replied.

“Don’t let unrequited love get you down anymore, and try to get some sleep” Kibum called as Jonghyun walked out the door.

Jonghyun made a small noise of understanding as he closed the door, stopping in the hallway to take a deep breath. If he wasn’t crying earlier, he was sure as hell crying now. The quiet sobs shaking his body as he forced himself to walk away from the door. As he slowly made his way to his shared room, he spotted Taemin coming out of Jinki’s room. Their eyes met and Taemin didn’t even bother to close the door as he hurried to Jonghyun.

“Hey, calm down, you’re going to be okay” Taemin began to comfort him, letting Jonghyun hold onto him as he helped him to their room.

Jonghyun was too busy crying to notice Jinki following them, the leader concerned about his band mate. It was the hand on his back that made Jonghyun aware of his presence as Taemin closed the door. Part of Jonghyun didn’t want to be around them, only because he knows they love each other and the thought of any couple hurts, but he knows that’s slightly selfish so he doesn’t fight it when Jinki holds him and Taemin rubs his back. 

The couple didn’t dare ask what was wrong, they both knew what it could be and they knew if it was anything else, Jonghyun would say so.

“I wish this was just an unrequited love, I wish I didn’t know he cared for me at some point, I wish I never fell for him” Jonghyun vented into Jinki’s chest.

The two stayed quiet, all of them freezing at the knock on the door.

“It’s Minho” His voice came from behind the door and Jonghyun didn’t see Jinki’s nod to let him in.

Jonghyun kept his face hidden in Jinki’s chest as he listened to the door open and footsteps come close to him as the door closed.

“Jonghyun” Minho spoke softly and the older wiped his eyes before turning around, his eyes not meeting Minho’s.

“Why aren’t you with Kibum?” Jonghyun asked and Minho sighed.

“I told him Taemin needed me for something, I need to talk to you” Minho explained and Jonghyun swallowed.

“About what?” Jonghyun asked, focusing his gaze on the wall behind Minho.

“I’m so sorry about Kibum” Minho said and Jonghyun me his eyes, “I knew you liked him and I still-”

“Minho, no, you have nothing to be sorry about” Jonghyun interrupted him, “You had every right to have told him how you felt”

“But I knew he still had feelings for you” Minho replied and Jonghyun shook his head.

“It’s not like you did it in spite of me, you don’t have to be sorry for my mess of emotions. Go be happy with your boyfriend and don’t worry about me, alright?” Jonghyun held back tears as he gave Minho a smile, he didn’t want his friend to feel guilty for having feelings for Kibum.

“I just feel bad that I put you in this state” Minho explained and Jonghyun laughed a little.

“It wasn’t you who did this, it was all me” Jonghyun told him, “Kibum told me he liked me the day you two got together, he said that’s why he didn’t answer at first. I took that information and let it hurt me when it wasn’t supposed to”

“Well then, can I do anything to help-” 

“Just go back to Kibum before he gets suspicious” Jonghyun cut him off, “And treat him right, please,  _ please,  _ don’t hurt him”

Minho nodded, “I promise you, I wouldn’t dare” He made for the door and Jonghyun felt his tears coming back as the tall man left.

Taemin led Jonghyun to his bed while Jinki wiped his tears with the softest tissues he could find.

“I think you should start coming to us when you can’t sleep” Jinki suggested and Jonghyun shook his head.

“Kibum can’t figure it out” Jonghyun told him as Taemin instructed him to lay down.

“At least for a few nights, or you could alternate it. Just something to stop breaking down like this” Taemin said and Jinki nodded as Jonghyun covered himself up.

“Well, you two are the ones who insist on taking care of me when this happens” Jonghyun replied and Taemin returned to Jinki’s side.

“Just think about it and try to sleep okay? We have a long practice tomorrow” Jinki told him and Jonghyun sighed as they muttered their goodnights to each other.

Jonghyun ignored the vibration of his phone in his pocket as he closed his eyes and drifted into his thoughts.


End file.
